Barry's Blog

Actress Natalie Wood once observed, "The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby." We may find the remark amusing, and yet, deep down, we realize that she may be on to something. I'm not suggesting that we never change things in our lives, but there is something deeply embedded in us that makes us resist change at all costs, especially when it is encouraged by our wives (often those who love us the most). But let me make it clear that I'm not blindly defending the American male. For I believe a lot of the challenges and spiritual struggles we face as men are rooted in our stubborn, prideful refusal to change. We want to maintain the status quo, to simply be left alone. Many of us are so consumed with our work and other diversions so that only in retrospect do we see, with clarity, what we have sacrificed in years gone by.

And yet, I am reminded of how challenging it is being a man, a father, a husband, in today's culture. Not only are there tremendous expectations placed upon men from every direction (running a business, financial pressures, spending quality time with our wives and children), but there also seems to be a strong sentiment against men in general. Truly, male-bashing is in vogue! And one can only wonder how previous generations of men ever survived without the abundance of personal & religious self-help books to "improve" them - make them better men, better husbands, better fathers.

As I meet with men who are working hard "juggling the balls in the air" of their lives, I'm reminded of our need for companionship with other men along the journey. And while our wives can do much to encourage us in our lives, they really don't know what it is like to be a man. A number of years ago, Garrison Keillor wrote an Op-Ed piece in The New York Times that  expresses well what it is like to be a man today in America:

"This was not a great year for guys...Guys are in trouble. Manhood, once an opportunity for achievement, now seems like a problem to be overcome. Plato, St. Francis, Leonardo da Vinci, Vince Lombardi - you don't find guys of that caliber today. What you find is terrible gender anxiety, guys trying to be Mr. Right, the man who can bake a cherry pie, go shoot skeet, come back, toss a salad, converse easily about intimate matters, cry if need be, laugh, hug, be vulnerable, perform passionately that night and the next day go off and lift them bales onto that barge and tote it. Being perfect is a terrible way to spend your life, and guys are not equipped for it anyway. It is like a bear riding a bicycle: He can be trained to do it for short intervals, but he would rather be in the woods doing what bears do there."

If you sometimes feel like the bear riding the bicycle, we hope to provide some encouragement along the way, and perhaps, even a map back to the woods.

For FinishingWell,

 Barry Morrow